Thursday, May 30, 2013

Candle Man-Town

I admit it, I love Yankee Candles.  I burn them daily in almost every room of the house.

There is a Yankee Candle outlet in the Berkshires, where I used to go with my parents, and my Dad and I loved going there and bringing back a whole array of scented delights.

These trips were the bane of my poor mother's existence, because the smell of those candles makes her sick.

I, however, love them.  I especially love the warm holiday-type fragrances that have a touch of cinnamon and nutmeg in them.  And there's a Sage & Citrus that is absolutely delicious.  I used to love the Hazelnut Coffee, too, but it started to make me crave crullers too much, so I had to stop burning that one.

They often come out with new seasonal scents, and I look forward to whatever new concoctions they create.  But recently, they have developed a new line that has me scratching my head.

It's called Man Candles, Manly Scented Candles.  I kid you not.  Thus far, the scents include Mmm, Bacon,  Movie Night, First Down, Man Town, and Riding Mower.

Again, I'm not kidding.

I always thought that the purpose of scented candles was to obliterate the smell of, say bacon, or popcorn, or, you know, man.

What does First Down smell like? Football-player butt-crack?  Sweat sock?  Jock strap?  How about Riding Mower, does that smell like oil and gasoline?

And how about Man-Town?  That's the scariest one of all.  I shudder to think what a Man Town would smell like.  Cigars?  Man Town sounds like a gay bar, which makes the whole notion of what it would smell like even more horrifying.

Why don't they just make one that's called Hairy Armpit, or Fart?  We all know that's probably what Man Town would smell like anyway, don't we?

If these are the manly candles, what would the womanly candles be called?  PlacentaBaby poopSummer's Eve Barefoot and Pregnant?

No matter how hard Yankee Candle tries, I'm not sure it's ever possible to make a candle manly.

I mean, can you see a group of guys gathering at someone's house to watch a game, or play poker, and the host saying to one of his friends: "Hey, Biff, grab me a beer, and light the Fart candle, would ya?"

Well, he might, I guess, if it was a fart candle.

They love that kind of thing in Man Town.

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