Wine for the Love of Bond

It seems that every few weeks, there is a James Bond movie marathon on television. I am a big fan of the Bond movies, both new and old, especially the old. These movies are so delightfully irreverent, so silly, and they got away with so many things that could never be gotten away with today.

A woman named Pussy Galore? Dr. Goodhead? Miss Sitonmy Face? (ok, I made that last one up). Does it get any better? Daniel Craig was such a dark, brooding, and real Bond. Sean Connery was its polar opposite: handsome, yes. Debonair, of course. But he treated everything with a sardonic smile and a wink, as if he, too, knew it was all a bit ridiculous.

Most recently , I watched YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. If you haven't seen this movie in a while, I recommend an immediate rental of it.

This movie has more fab and inexplicable moments of political incorrectness than one person can handle.

For starters, James Bond's adventures take him to Japan, where he must go undercover as a Japanese fisherman. This leads to multiple moments of camp wonderfulness as Bond is transformed into a Japanese man.

How, you may ask? First, he is bathed by many scantily-clad Japanese women, then he is given big bushy black eyebrows, followed by a straight black wig. And viola!! James Bond has turned Japanese! No one even questions the authenticity of this six-foot-tall man who speaks English with a Scottish accent. And why not?

Well, he has a shaved chest! He has thick black eyebrows! And straight black hair! Of course he's Japanese!

To complete the charade, Bond is also given a beautiful Japanese bride, whose name is Suki Yaki (ok, I made that name up).

One day, Bond and his fake bride discover that an evil man carrying a white cat has taken over the inside of a dormant volcano and turned it into an evil lair and launch site for his missiles. She and Bond decide they are going to hike the 10-miles, or whatever it is, to infiltrate this volcano-launch-pad.

What does she choose to wear for this undertaking? Pants? Hiking Boots? A warm jacket? Don't be absurd!! This is a Bond movie! So she wears what any smart woman would wear to hike up a mountain: a white bikini and white pumps!! What else?!

She then spends the next hour running around in this outfit, until Bond sends her back down the mountain to get reinforcements. When she returns with help, has she changed clothes? Maybe put on something a little warmer, more sturdy, something with, say, a little more coverage? Of course not, you dingbat!! Why would she do that?

I must say that Bond's outfit is not much better. He wears clothes that Daniel Craig would not be caught dead in. It is a pair of light blue pants, a loose blue turtleneck, and a hood. Seriously, a hood. It looks like what knights wear under their armor. It looks like a large pair of Underoos. All that's missing is a big B on the front.

What a pair they make: Bond in his black wig, eyebrows, and hood running and fighting the enemy with his bikini'd bride! Does it get any better than this?!

So let's toast to James Bond together. My Wine for the Love of Bond is a Patrick Bottex "La Cueille" Bugey-Cerdon. This is a fabulous French sparkling wine, made from the Gamay grape. This bubbly is a gorgeous rose-petal pink color, with a rich sudsy mouthfeel and a slightly sweet palate of tart strawberry and raspberries.

It is fun, luxurious, festive and delicious. And the fact that you have to pop the cork makes it ripe for any number of dirty innuendo, making it just perfect for the James Bond in us all.