Wine for Apartment-Hunting

Ahhh, the joys of looking for a place to live. There is nothing more delightful than sifting through Craigslist apartments, trying to decipher the language of lies, and get a reasonable idea of what we might actually be seeing.

Anything called cozy is, of course, going to be the size of a closet. Period details mean that your bathroom will be tiled in bright pink and green and won't have been updated since 1950. If it has character, you are in big trouble, as this means that the apartment will have horrible airplane carpeting, wood-paneled walls, a smell of cats, and sinks in every room of the house, including the closets.

Rents here have gone up significantly, and to get a place comparable to the apartment we had before we left will cost us $300-$400 more than it would have when we first moved here in 2007. Purchase prices however have come down, and since mortgage rates are so low, we have started thinking about buying a place instead.

This brings with it a whole new set of issues. Mortgages are hard to get, and it is often necessary to put down a large chunk of money. This is problematic for a few reasons, not the least of which is that we are considering buying something in earthquake country, and it is horrifying to think that a person could sink several hundred thousand dollars into something that could shake and shimmy its way into the ground.

Earthquakes aside, there is also the question of where to live. The area in which we live now, and the area we know and like the best is, of course, one of the most expensive areas in the city. We will be much more likely to get more for our money and explore buying in less fancy areas.

The problem with this is that less pricey areas are often less pricey for a reason. I hate to be a snob, but I'm afraid I just might not be an urban, up-and-coming grungy-area kind of gal. I like feeling safe where I live, and I have been scared off of a few areas after hearing some of my friends stories.

One such story involves an area of Noe Valley near The Mission. A female friend of mine returned to her rental house, and went to the little cubby below the stairs where the trash barrels live, to find a man lying unconscious inside. Actually, at the time she didn't know he was unconscious; she thought he might in fact be dead.

She ran back inside her house and called 911, who suggested that she go back and first stick her face in this man's face to determine if he was alive or dead, and second, if he turned out to be alive, to stick her mouth on this man's mouth and perform CPR.

This advice is insane on so many levels that she almost lost her mind. She pointed out that this man could be faking unconsciousness in order to attack her once she got closer; this man could be a drug-crazed lunatic who would attack her when she got closer; or he could be riddled with diseases which she would then catch when performing mouth-to-mouth.

When she pointed all of these things out to the brain-trust on the other end of the 911 call, she got essentially no response other than that she should go see if the man was alive and then perform CPR. My friend being a lawyer, she then pointed out that the horrible suggestion she was being given was potentially opening up the city to a massive lawsuit.

The person on the other end of the phone then apparently added a few IQ points and decided to send the police over. When the police arrived and they attempted to revive the man, my friend discovered how smart she really had been to refuse the 911 operator's advice. This man was in fact in some sort of a psychotic drug-state and he woke up and began to lose his mind and flail around and attack anyone and everyone in sight.

What was the police comment to my friend after this incident? That my friend needed a better lock on her garbage cubby door.

In this same neighborhood, this same friend also witnessed an accident of a getaway car driven by some kind local gang drug-lords. This is a story for another day, but suffice it to say that after this last incident, she and her husband moved away from this lovely neighborhood.

It is stories like these that sour me a bit on the idea of living in the up-and-coming parts of town.

Oh well, what can we do? We take our time, I guess; we look around; we avoid garbage cubby-holes, and we try to make our current temporary apartment as cozy and holiday-festive as possible.

And what better way to feel cozy and festive than with a nice, warming port? Specifically a 1983 Ramos Pinto Vintage Port. Alan opened a bottle of this at Masa's, and it is a lovely, smooth, rich, sweet delight, full of fruit-cakey flavors of blackberry, black cherry, cassis, chocolate and tobacco.

What a wonderful way to end a holiday meal. The best part about this delicious port is the fact that you can buy it online on wine.com for $36.49. That's right, this baby is a bargain that tastes like a luxury item. It makes me want to curl up with a snifter in front of a fireplace. If only we could find an apartment that has one...