Wine for Learning to Learn

I had two textbook anxiety dreams last night. In the first, a friend of mine that I knew in high school invited everyone but me to a party. In the second, I was at an audition for which I was completely unprepared. I couldn't remember my monologue, had forgotten to bring headshots and didn't actually know what I was auditioning for. I raced home to get my pictures and monologue, and parked illegally outside the building. When I emerged, I not only had a $200 ticket, but also, the road behind my car had been completely dug up, making a deep crater. The back wheel of the car was was hanging over one edge, turning, and I wondered how I was ever going to be able to drive the car forward with that wheel hanging off. Hmmmm....hanging over the edge...no way to go back, no way to move forward...wheels spinning. A little on the nose? I will have to chat with my subconscious about being a little more original.

Why the anxiety dreams? What is starting to happen suddenly became clear last night after a long talk with Steve: I have begun learning for this class to pass the test, as opposed to learning to gain useful information as I move forward in the wine biz. Once I realized that, I also realized that it has not just happened to me, but to everyone else in the class as well. For the first two weeks we were all excited and open, taking everything in and having fun with tasting and smelling and exploring the wines. Then we had the first test, and it all went downhill from there. Based on the class averages and stats David, our teacher gave us, nobody was particularly thrilled with their results. Ever since then, there has been a certain tension in the classroom, a certain low-level panic. People were asking each other how they had done on the test, trying to assure themselves they weren't the only one who hadn't done so well.

I have fallen victim to it as well; what started out as an adventure to see how much I could immerse myself in wine, and how much I could learn has now become all about making sure I don't fail the Certified Sommelier Exam. If I have learned anything over the years, it is that studying for an exam is not the same as taking in and absorbing information. The desire to pass a test, to do well, to get good grades, to not fail can be so strong, and instead of opening me up to knowledge and information, it shuts me down, makes me tense, makes it almost impossible to open myself up to taking in new thoughts, ideas, tastes, and smells.

I am vowing from here on out to try to not obsess so much about whether or not I pass the Certified Exam. Because really, what does it matter if I pass it this time or I don't? Will that change what I have learned, all the new wines I have been exposed to? No. And if I don't pass it this first time out, and I want to try it again the next time they offer it, then I can. This course is so intense it is essentially cramming years of wine study into eleven weeks. Considering that I had basically no wine knowledge at all when I started, that is a LOT of new information I am trying to take in. I have never tasted 95% of the wines we are trying, have never even heard of many of the grape varietals.

So I am going to give myself a break. I am going to try and get back to what brought me to this class in the first place: a desire to learn about wine. Nothing more, nothing less.

We tried 12 wines today, and honestly by the end I had total palate fatigue (I don't know if this is a real term, but it should be). So no wine recommendation today, but tomorrow we start Bordeaux. I have never tried a Bordeaux wine before; from what I hear, they are pretty special! I'll let you know what I learn.